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Wednesday 12 July 2017

The Twenty-first century “Catholic” Anglican

 (With apologies to Dr. Eric Mascall)

I am a Catholic Anglican -- non-papal --  I beseech you,

You’ll only find a trace of heresy in all that I will teach you.

The clergyman across the town has vestments so obtrusive,

My cassock-alb with rainbows is really all inclusive.

My surplice is embroidered with only a suggestion

Of the gin and lace that speaks of orientation.

My liturgy is up-to-date with all pronouns corrected

And clearly is composed to be gender selected.

I teach the children in Sunday School the Dutch Catechism,

Explaining how there is no such thing as heresy or schism.

The truths of Vatican Two I bate not one iota.

But have yet to meet the marriage tribunal quota.

The Bishop has been active in parochial assessing.

She clearly does not distinguish in marital blessing.

The synod having declared equal marriage, then,

Women will no longer have to be married to men.

The music we perform at Mass is clearly gender neutral.

We have assorted voices with counter-tenors neutered.

Two flutes, a fiddle and a harp assist them in the gallery.

The organist left years ago, and so we save his salary.

We’ve started a ‘Sodality of Transsexual Transition’

Consisting of ten people who sing in various positions.

Depending upon how they identify their Sunday morning choices;

We have between four and eight soprano voices.

Mother Earth we extol in fervid peroration;

While the Gia Sisters support our congregation.

And, though I say I’m “Catholic,” I’m really Ang-li-can;

I trust that Henry the Eighth was not such a very bad man.

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